


And A Baby Makes... Six?

by LonelyThursday



Series: What Was Ours Still Will Be [5]
Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Birth, Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Fluff, M/M, Modern Era, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parenthood, Polyamory, Pregnancy, Soulmates, Trans Male Character, Trans Racetrack Higgins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27689254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyThursday/pseuds/LonelyThursday
Summary: It takes a village to raise a child, according to the saying at least. Good thing their kids are going to have four dads, five grandparents, numerous aunt and uncles, and a growing number of cousinsA collections of one-shots from What Was Ours Still Will Be centering around Spralmer's kids with a little bit of Javtherine's kids(Previously “Baby Fics”)
Relationships: Crutchie/Finch (Newsies), David Jacobs/Jack Kelly/Katherine Plumber, Spot Conlon/Albert DaSilva/Elmer/Racetrack Higgins
Series: What Was Ours Still Will Be [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1454878
Comments: 34
Kudos: 49





	1. Race Goes Into Labor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elmer and Spot are out of town, and the babies choose NOW to show up???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! much like a tv series having a two-part season premiere, this is a two-chapter fic premiere

_“Are you sure you’re okay?”_ Elmer asks for probably the thousandth time this phone call alone. 

“It’s just a minor discomfort,” Race answers. He’s trying to be nonchalant about it, but he’s just barely managing not to scream every time a new contraction starts. “We’re timing them, and if they start coming in five minutes apart then we’ll go to the hospital, but my due date isn’t for another four weeks, so it’s probably just Mayer-Briggs contractions.”

 _“Braxton-Hicks,”_ Elmer corrects. _“And twins are about ten times as likely to be born premature as single babies, so it’s not impossible for them to come early.”_

“I know, I know, I know, if anything changes we’ll go to the hospital, scout’s honor,” Race promises. 

_“You weren’t a scout,”_ Elmer accuses. _“Spot says we’re still an hour and a half out, so you’d better not have those kids before we get home.”_

“Wouldn’t dream of it sweetheart. Love you both.”

_“Love you, too, Tony. Call us if anything changes.”_

“Will do. Bye.”

_“Bye.”_

As soon as he’s off the phone, Race lets out a loud groan, gritting his teeth against another wave of pain. 

Spot and Elmer went down to Richmond Virginia two days ago to visit Elmer’s sister. Race wasn’t feeling up for traveling this far into his pregnancy, and Albert didn’t want to leave him home alone — well no one had wanted to leave Race home alone, including Race — so it was decided that Spot would drive Elmer down to Richmond in Brooklyn, and Race and Albert would stay in New York with Karen and not a single driver’s license between the two. 

And at the time, it seemed like a good idea. Race’s due date wasn’t for _weeks_ , but now — with the contractions coming in every ten-ish minutes now, and Spot and Elmer still an hour and a half away — it seems like an awful idea. 

Race groans, carefully dropping to his knees and bracing his arms on the couch to try to relieve some of the pressure. “AL!”

“Coming! I’m coming!” Albert calls from the bedroom where he’s been putting together their hospital bag. They hadn’t assembled it before because Race was so far away from his due date, but once the contractions started, Albert figured it would be better to have the bag put together and not need it than end up having to go to the hospital without it. 

Race focuses on his breathing, using the technique they’d gone over in Lamaze class. 

“Okay, I’m here,” Albert drops to his knees behind Race and begins running a soothing hand over his back. “How are you feeling?”

“Like there are two demons having a party in my uterus,” Race mutters, dropping his head onto the cushion. 

“Okay, just breath,” Albert says, clearly out of his element, but he’s trying. “How far away are Elmer and Spot?” 

“Hour and a haaaAAHH! Hrrgn, _contraction_ ,” Race gasps as he rocks his hips against the increasing pressure on his pelvis. 

Using his free hand, Albert hits the “lap” button on the stopwatch on his phone that’s been running for the last couple hours while Race has been having contractions. After what feels like an eternity — but is really only about forty seconds — the contraction stops and Albert hits the “lap” button again. 

“They’re getting longer,” he observes. 

“I _know_ that,” Race hisses through gritted teeth. Though the contraction has stopped, he’s still rocking his hips. 

“And closer together.”

“I _know!”_

“Do you want to try walking? It’s supposed to help alleviate pressure,” Albert offers gently. 

“I’d rather not waddle around like a duck that’s the size of an elephant!” He's huge, truly. Katherine wasn’t this big when _she_ was eight months pregnant! Of course Katherine wasn’t pregnant with twins, but _still!_

“You’re the size of a baby elephant at most,” Albert jokes, and Race laughs despite the pain, so Albert’s calling it a win. 

“The cutest elephant ever?” He asks. 

“Make all the other elephants go WAA!” Albert confirms. 

“Hmm,” Race hums, breaking off into a gasp as another contraction starts. 

“I think we should go to the hospital,” Albert tells him as soon as it passes. “They’re about five minutes apart.”

“I’m fine!” Race gasps. “They’re just Haxton-Bricks.”

“You’re not even trying to say that right, are you?” Albert rolls his eyes. 

“Fight me!” Race groans into the couch cushion. 

“Three-on-one is not a fair fight,” Albert informs him while he texts Elmer for his opinion. 

“What can I say I fi- _ight-_ ”

“Race?” Race has gone completely still, no longer rocking back and forth. 

“I think we should go to the hospital,” Race whispers. 

“What? Why?”

“My water just broke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma just end each chapter with an story of my childhood cuz I love oversharing  
> Story: My parents' scheduled my birth cuz I was breech so my mom needed a c-section. So they scheduled my birth for two days after my aunt and uncle's wedding anniversary, and two days before my parent's own wedding anniversary


	2. The Birth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins are born

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know a whole lot about births, especially what specifically happens in the delivery room, soooo *shrugs*  
> A lot of this is just an educated guess
> 
> Also since you all liked it so much, Spot will be mom  
> Race will be papa, Elmer will be tata, and Albert will be dad

_“My water just broke.”_

Everything after that was a blur. 

Albert rushed to get the hospital bag out of the bedroom. 

They left their apartment. 

They got to the hospital somehow (Albert has no idea how, they might have taken a cab, or they might have called someone to give them a ride. Or possibly even Albert drove them which would be a terrible idea since he doesn’t have a driver’s license, but since he doesn’t remember how they got to the hospital he can’t rule it out).

They were escorted to a room where the doctor checked Race and said he was fully dilated and the twins were coming. 

Albert was taken by a nurse to suit up to be in the delivery room. 

And then he was in the delivery room, next to Race who was screaming because a goddamn _baby_ was coming out of him. 

Everything passes as a vague blur that he’ll be lucky to remember later. Everything, until a tiny baby — all red and wrinkly — swaddled in a yellow blanket with a pink cap on her head is placed in his arms. 

At that moment, the world comes to a stop, and all he can see is this precious little bundle. This tiny baby. _His_ tiny baby. His daughter. 

He loves her. She’s tiny, and precious, and she’s making little gurgling sounds, and he loves her so much. He’s going to cry — or he is crying, it’s hard to tell. 

Awareness of his surroundings starts filtering in slowly. First, it’s the sensation of someone’s hand resting on his back. Then it’s the sound of someone screaming. Finally, it’s the full realization that Race is currently giving birth to the second twin. 

Looking up for the first time since his daughter was placed in his arms, Albert realizes that Spot and Elmer are here now. Spot’s taken Albert’s place next to Race, and is the one resting his hand on Albert’s back, while Elmer stands at the… business end of things. 

“Push!” The doctor instructs. 

“We’re _never_ having twins again!” Race screams. 

“Okay, sweetheart,” answers Spot as he squeezes Race’s hand. 

“Push!”

“Or any kids! I’m not doing this again!”

“You’re doing great, Tony,” Elmer encourages. 

“He’s crowning!”

It isn’t long until the other baby is born — squishy and covered in different fluids. 

“Can I hold her?” Pants Race, staring at the baby in Albert’s arms, the one that’s already been cleaned off. 

“Yeah, of course.” Albert passes the baby to Race who coos at her tiredly. 

“She’s beautiful,” whispers Spot. 

“Yeah,” Albert agrees. “When did you guys get here?”

“Between her and Grayson,” Spot answers, neither of them taking their eyes off of Race and the baby. “While they were turning him over.”

“Race?” Asks Albert as he tries to figure out why they’d turn Race over between babies. 

“Grayson. He was breech.”

“Oh… I have no idea what happened between Race’s water breaking and the nurse handing me the baby,” Albert tells him. Spot snorts out a laugh. 

“Hey,” Elmer says softly as he and baby Grayson finally join them. 

“Hey,” Albert smiles, cooing at Grayson as he cries softly in Elmer’s arms. 

“‘M glad you made it,” Race murmurs from the bed. 

“Spot broke a lot of traffic laws to get us here,” Elmer confesses. 

“I’m not sorry.”

They’re given a few minutes to be together, then some nurses come to give the babies a check-up. None of them are particularly keen on them being taken away, but they were premature, and the doctor just wants to make sure they’re not going to have any health complications because of it. Another nurse comes over to check on Race and make sure _he_ isn’t having any health complications. Then Race and Elmer are taken to get cleaned up, Spot is taken to get his hand looked at since he’s _convinced_ that Race broke it, and Albert is taken to wait for them in the recovery room. 

Elmer returns first. He walks straight up to Albert and slumps into him. 

“Hi,” Albert laughs, hugging him back. 

“We’re dads,” giggles Elmer. 

“Yeah.”

“That was so fast.”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t believe they’re finally here!”

“Yeah,” Albert says for a third time because apparently that’s the only thing he can say. 

Elmer kisses him on the cheek and Albert buries his face in Elmer's neck in return. They stand like that until Race is wheeled in. 

“How are you doing?” Elmer asks once Race is situated. 

“Exhausted,” Race answers. It’s pretty obvious that he’s exhausted just by looking at him. While someone has clearly wiped the sweat off his face, his curls are still damp with sweat, the front plastered to his forehead, and the back sticking you wildly; face is red a blotchy from all the screaming and crying, and he can’t lift his hands much beyond reaching out to grab his soulmates. 

“That’s okay, Tones,” Albert says as he runs his free hand through Race’s hair. “You can sleep now.”

“No, wanna see the twins again first,” he pouts. “Where’s Spot?”

“Getting his hand X-rayed,” answers Albert. 

“Oh, oops.”

Despite his best efforts, Race is asleep within ten minutes. It’s another twenty before the babies are wheeled in, and then another hour before Spot returns with his hand in a cast. 

“Are you okay?” Elmer asks him, looking up from the babies for the first time since they were brought in. 

Spot shrugs. “It’s just a fracture, it’ll be fine in a couple weeks. How long has Racer been asleep?”

“Little over an hour,” answers Albert. “He was gonna wait for the twins but he fell asleep before they got here.”

“Look how precious!” Elmer’s barely managing not to squeal. “Baby Grayson and Baby Emily or Willow!”

“Willow,” Spot says confidently. 

“Really? I thought you were team Emily?” Albert says teasingly. They had all decided to leave the naming of the girl until after she was born to see which name really fit her. 

“She looks like a Willow,” Spot answers. 

“We should wait until Race wakes up to decide, but I like Willow,” agrees Elmer as Grayson starts to stir. Elmer picks the newborn up, and rocks him until he settles down again.

“We’re never gonna sleep again,” Spot jokes as he takes a seat next to Albert and buries his face in his shoulder.

Albert chuckles quietly. No, no they’re not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing Grayson Antonio and Willow Maria  
> (side note: Javtherine's daughter is Felicity Louise Kelly-Jacobs)  
> I know you guys liked the name Elliot, but if I named the baby Elliot, then it would get confusing between Elmer and Elliot as both of them would be El/Elly  
> intense_theater_nerd suggested Greyson (I changed it to be an A cuz I like A better), Dauntless_Shadow suggested Willow, and Chessiekat suggested Javtherin'e daughter's nickname be Fey (like Santa Fe cuz Jack is a dork)
> 
> Story: My parents' final name ideas for me were Katherine, Megan, Andrew, and Evan, and my younger cousins are named Megan, Andrew, and Eva (Evan without the N) even though my aunts and uncles didn't know my parents were considering those names


	3. Jack Gets Lo And Gray To Call Spot "Mom"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack decides to prank his brother using his brother's children... it doesn't work out like he thought it would

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! Tomorrow is my last final and then I have winter break, so I've decided that I'm going to post at least one chapter for this fic every week of break (on thursdays cuz I've already confused at least two people into think I post on thursdays so I might as well actually do it)

“Say ‘mama’. Maaa-maaa.”

“BA!” A baby squeals in response. 

“No,” Jack corrects. “Ma, maaaa-maaaa.”

“Foo!” The other baby giggles. 

“What are you doing?” Davey demands after walking into his brother-in-law’s living room to find his husband trying to teach their nine-month-old niece and nephew to say ‘mama’.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Jack counters, rather than answering. 

“They don’t have a mom, Jack,” Davey sighs. 

They were supposed to visit Katherine’s parents with her and Fey today, but as soon as Race had mentioned needing a babysitter, Jack and Davey had jumped on the chance to avoid the Pulitzers. Not that they’d be missed much, at least by the Pulitzer clan, most of whom viewed Jack and Davey as dirt under their shoes, Katherine a Fey would miss them though. 

Of course that left Davey in the position of babysitting two kids only slightly younger than his own with Jack, who has apparently decided to teach said kids words they don’t need. 

Jack turns to face him with a shit-eating grin, holding up a picture of Spot that he’d been showing the kids. There’s no way there’s a good explanation to this. 

“Jack… do I even want to know?” Asks Davey hesitantly. 

“I’m teaching them to call Spot ‘mom’,” Jack answers, looking _way_ too proud of himself. 

“You’re- no, I- _why?”_

Jack shrugs. “He’s my brother. I want to mess with him.”

And really, what’s Davey supposed to say to that? The Jacobs siblings were never really in to pranking each other. Their sibling rivalry was practically nonexistent — in fact, with Davey’s non-competitive attitude, and Sarah’s generous nature, the two of them had almost the opposite of a rivalry, they both wanted the other to win; a fact that Les exploited to the fullest extent once he came into the picture — so this isn’t something Davey really understands. 

So he does what any responsible adult would do: he pretends he didn’t see anything. He turns around and goes back into the kitchen to make tea and get snacks, and pretends he doesn’t know what Jack is teaching the babies in the living room. 

And two months later, when Elmer asks him if he knows why Lo is calling everything ‘mama’, he lies and says he doesn’t know anything. 

Someone must have figured it out though, because three months later, Lo and Gray are both yelling “unca dummy, unca dummy!” every time they see Jack. They still call Spot ‘mom’ though, so Davey really doubts that’s going to go away any time soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> story: my brother's first word was 'turtle', my mom does not know what my first word was because apparently I refused to talk until I could make actual full sentences
> 
> Stay Safe  
> Wear a Mask  
> Don't be Stupid  
> I'm Proud of You


	4. Late Night Cuddles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s an adorable surprise waiting for Albert one night when he gets home late

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed the name of the fic from “Baby Fics” so don’t be confused
> 
> The twins are about 5 here, but it’s not too important

Getting home late is something Albert’s used to. He often gets home late after performances, especially if the cast went out afterwards like they did tonight. 

Before they had kids, his soulmates often went to his shows or at least stayed up to wait for him. Now though, he doesn’t expect them to stay up, or come to his shows as often as they used to — they still come, but seeing the same show over and over again is a little too boring for Lo and Gray, even if daddy  _ is  _ in the show, so the whole family will usually come only once with Race, Elmer, or Spot coming sometimes by themselves. 

And of course Albert understands that they have kids and jobs and other things to do, but that doesn’t mean it’s not sometimes depressing to come home late and know that no one is up. 

The apartment is dark when he gets home because of course it is, it’s almost two a.m. He doesn’t bother checking on the twins, he’s tired and he doesn’t want to risk waking them. Instead he just shuffles into his room as quietly as he can; he doesn’t want to wake his soulmates, they all have work tomorrow. 

His efforts are all for not though, because Spot’s already awake, reading something on Race’s kindle in bed. 

“Hey,” Spot whispers, closing the kindle, leaving the room illuminated only by the nightlight that they plug in when one of the kids is sleeping in their bed. 

It’s not just  _ one  _ of the twins though. Both of them are in the bed; Grayson between Race and Elmer, and Willow between Elmer and Spot. 

“Hey, looks like I’m late for the party,” Albert jokes quietly as he changes into his pjs. “I don’t think the bed is big enough for all of us.”

“Sure it is,” answers Spot as he carefully shifts Willow from the bed to his chest, moving closer to Elmer in order to open up space for Albert on the edge of the bed. “See? Plenty of space.”

“Mommy?” Lo blinks sleepily. 

“Sorry if I jostled you, princess, I was just making room for daddy on the bed,” Spot apologizes with a kiss. 

“Daddy?” She asks, slightly more awake, looking around blearily. 

“Hey, biscuit,” Albert coos as he slips under the comforter. “Go back to sleep.”

“Okay,” Lo sighs, shutting her eyes and relaxing against Spot’s chest. 

Albert smiles and places a kiss on her dark curls. “‘Night, Lo.”

Willow lets out a quiet hum of acknowledgment, too tired for anything more. 

“‘Night, Spot.” He kisses Spot on the lips before settling against him. 

“Good night, Al.” Spot replies. 

“‘Night, Elmer, Gray, Race.”

Elmer hums a little in reply, but Race and Gray remain dead to the world. 

Albert smiles into Spot’s neck. Maybe no one stays up, but his family is always waiting for him.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story: my dad goes on business trips sometimes, and my brother and I used to trade off sleeping in my parents’ bed until he got back  
> Weirdly enough, neither of use wanted to sleep there if my mom was out of town (my dad snores like a motor boat)
> 
> Stay Safe  
> Wear a Mask  
> Don’t be Stupid  
> I know we’re coming down the home stretch and its hard, but the pandemic isn’t over and we still have a job to do  
> Take care of your Mental Health  
> Happy Holidays  
> I love you all!


	5. The Boys Learn That They're Expecting Twins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go to Race's first ultrasound and find more than they were expecting in Race's uterus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been to an ultrasound. The closest I've gotten is I've seen some on TV and once in high school we took a field trip to the UW medical center and the sonographer demonstrated how the machine worked using I think her knee. Sooooo, probably not that accurate.

After their talk, things go a lot smoother. Albert’s still nervous of course, but they all are, it’s not like they’ve ever _had_ kids before. But they’re talking through their worries and making plans for how to deal with all their hypothetical situations. In a few weeks, when they’re ready to start telling people about the baby (probably after Katherine’s had hers so that they don’t end up stealing her thunder), they’ll ask their siblings about the best brands and models for all the baby stuff (cribs, strollers, car seats; their initial research has turned up hundreds of options already). They’re not ready yet, but they’re ready to get ready. 

But as ever, life has one last curveball for them. 

“You guys don’t _all_ have to come, you know,” Race reminds his soulmates one last time before they’re out the door. “You can’t even tell the sex of the baby for another few weeks. This is just a check to make sure the baby is in there and healthy. It’s not even a baby yet! It’s barely more than a cell!”

“It’s a lot more than one cell, honey,” Elmer reminds him with a kiss on the cheek as he ushers him into the hall. Spot closes the door after them. “And of course we're coming to the ultrasound! We want to see our baby for the first time _together!”_

“But Spot was supposed to work today, and Albert had work later, and you-”

“Racer, babe,” Spot cuts him off quickly. “Hot Shot lets me do whatever I want, and like you said, Albert has work _later,_ not now.”

“You guys didn’t have to come,” Race protests one last time, weakly. 

“Well we are,” answers Albert matter-of-factly. 

And that’s that. Argument settled, the four make their way to the hospital for Race’s first sonogram in high spirits. There’s a small misunderstanding at the hospital when they have to explain that yes, Race is pregnant, and _yes,_ there _are_ four of them, and another brief stint where a very angry Elmer berates a hospital worker for asking them to _prove_ that they’re all soulmates… but they made it to the hospital room in one piece. 

“-and it’s unlawful to ask people to prove they’re soulmates! If someone says they have three soulmates, then you accept that they have three soulmates! This is a work setting!”

“Okay, El, it’s okay,” Albert says placatingly even though Elmer’s been on this rant since the nurse left them to wait for the sonographer. 

“And it’s not like you can’t bring people to your ultrasound!” Elmer continues. 

“Okay, El, we get it,” sighs Spot. 

“I’m just saying,” Elmer pouts. “That was unprofessional.”

Race opens his mouth to comment, but cuts himself off as the sonographer walks in. 

“Good morning gentlemen,” she says. “So I hear one of you is expecting.”

“It’s me!” Race declares, raising his hand like he’s in school hoping to be called on. 

“Well hop up on the table here and we’ll get started.” 

Race sat on the table (which was somewhere between a table and dentist’s chair) and the sonographer asked him to raise his shirt over his stomach. 

“Now you’re only a few weeks in, correct? So this is just to make sure the fetus is healthy and developing well, we won’t be able to tell the sex until at least fourteen weeks,” she explained as she applied the gel to Race’s stomach. He flinched a little at the cool sensation, but it didn’t feel bad. “You can come in again then if you want to, but it’s up to you. We really only ask that you come in again at at least eighteen to twenty-one weeks. Now let’s see what we’ve got here”

“Is there a benefit to coming in at fourteen weeks?” Spot asks. 

“Well you might be able to learn the sex of the baby. And I suppose if any health complications come up we might be able to catch them sooner, but it’s a personal choice. Besides, we can’t always accurately tell the sex at fourteen weeks. Oh! Look, here’s your baby!” 

Albert tries to see what the doctor was pointing at on the screen, but everything seemed like just a black and white moving blur. 

“Oh!” Elmer cries happily, most likely having more success finding the baby than Albert’s having. “It’s so little!”

“I can’t see it,” Race pouts, staring at the screen like the baby is just going to suddenly pop out. 

“It’s okay if you can’t see it right away,” the sonographer explains. “It’s very small, and lots of people aren’t sure what they’re looking for. You see this little dark blob here?” 

She points to a spot on the screen. Albert still sees nothing, but Spot and Race are nodding, so Albert just nods too. 

“That’s your baby, they look- oh! There’s another one!”

“A-another one?” Race asks, eyes wide with the beginnings of panic. 

“Another one!” The sonographer confirms. “Congratulations, Mr. Higgins, you’re having twins!”

_“TWINS?”_

The walk home from the hospital is considerably less chipper than when they’d come in. Albert had to go straight from the doctor’s appointment to work, so it’s just Elmer, Race, and Spot. 

“Twins,” Elmer whispers after five minutes of silence. 

“That’s twice as many as we thought we were having,” Race answers. 

“Can we even fit two babies in our apartment? Do we need a bigger space?” Elmer asks. 

“I think we need more space,” Spot answers. All of them are dazed, they’ve never been parents before, and now they’re suddenly going to have _two_ children. 

“And another car,” Race adds. “We would barely be able to fit _one_ car seat in Brooklyn, there’s no way we’re fitting _two_ if we want the rest of us in there too!”

“Don’t worry about the car,” Spot says. “‘M fixin’ up a minivan. Should be ready by the time the babies arrive. We should look into finding a three-bedroom apartment.”

“When did you buy a minivan!?” Race demands. 

“Over the weekend,” Spot replies as if buying a car without telling his partners is normal. “I bought it from Hot Shot for cheap. It can seat eight, so we could put both babies in the same row, or we could put one in the middle and one in the back so someone can sit with both of them. I wasn’t expectin’ two babies, but thankfully it has the space.”

“When were you going to tell us you bought a car?” Elmer asks. 

“Probably when it was done,” Spot answers honestly. “It was going to be a surprise, but now it’s a necessity. Her name is Karen.”

Race lets out a snort. “I ship Karen and Brooklyn.”

“Ew, no,” objects Spot. “Brooklyn is young and sexy, Karen’s middle aged and wants to talk to your manager.”

“Sean, babe, love of my life,” Race says slowly. “You’ve never been attracted to a woman in your _life!_ Why is your ‘young, sexy’ car a woman?”

“In high school you named your bike Heather!” Spot points out. 

“I _never_ claimed Heather was _sexy!”_ Race fires back. 

Elmer rolls his eyes as his soulmates’ argument continues to get more and more convoluted. _Twins! Two precious little babies. Two beautiful little bundles of joy._

As surprised as Elmer is about this development, it’s so exciting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Race named his bike after Heathers (the eighties movie not the musical)
> 
> Story: one of my cousins is 8 days younger than me, and one time at a family function, my mom was going to tell my dad's family that she was pregnant, but my dad's step-sister announced her pregnancy first, so my mom decided to let her have her day and tell everyone later, so my dad's family learned that my aunt was pregnant first, but I was born first.   
> Much like the joke where the older twin tells the younger twin "back in my day" and descibes what they were doing like 20 minutes ago, sometimes I text my cousin "back in my day" and tell him what I did last week"
> 
> Stay Safe  
> Wear a Mask (especially if you're getting together with family)  
> Don't be stupid   
> Happy Holidays  
> I Love You!!!


	6. Sarah and Les Babysit Fey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah and Les face some... complications when they offer to babysit their niece. Luckily, Crutchie and Finch are availible to help, and Davey never has to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of sleeping  
> vaguely based off an episode of Gilmore Girls

“I left a list on the fridge of what she can eat and how much she should eat, but she will let you know when she’s done. She likes coasters, and the silicon ones are fine for her to play with. Don’t let her crawl under the coffee table because she might hit her head on the top. I also left a list of emergency numbers. Now, this is important, if you need one of us, call Jack first, he’s closest and most likely to answer. Katherine probably has her phone off because she’s out on assignment, and I have a very important meeting, so I’ll turn my phone off too. If Jack doesn’t answer, try calling Medda, he’s at her place. Only call my work number if it’s an emergency, and _only_ as a last resort. If it’s a medical emergency — meaning if she’s bleeding, or you _know_ that something’s broken — call Dr. Wu, then call Jack, and if Jack doesn’t answer leave a voicemail then call Katherine and me. If it’s not a medical emergency but Jack and Medda don’t answer, call Crutchie, Spot, or Elmer, but Race _just_ gave birth to twins a few weeks ago, so don’t bother them if you don’t have to.”

“Davey,” Sarah interrupts when Davey pauses to breath. “What exactly do you think is going to happen here?”

Davey called Sarah two hours ago, frantically looking for a babysitter because his office called to tell him that they had moved tomorrow’s meeting to today, Jack had a commission to finish by Friday, and Katherine was already at work and couldn’t find anyone else to cover her story, and he desperately needed a babysitter. He’d also made it very obvious that Sarah and Les were pretty far down on his list of acceptable babysitters, but that’s probably fair. 

“I’m hoping nothing happens,” Davey answers, all his frantic energy draining out of him, leaving just a very tired new dad in its place. “But if something _does_ happen, I need to know that you know what to do.”

“We know what to do, Davey,” Les answers confidently. “If we need something we call Jack, or Medda, or Crutchie in that order, and then after that we debate the seriousness of the situation and call others from there.”

“Yeah, yes, that’s-that’s right. But if you have a question that is specifically ‘can a baby do this’ or something, don’t call Crutchie, call Spot.”

“What’s wrong with Crutchie?” Sarah asks as she eases baby Fey out of Davey’s arms and starts bouncing her on her hip. 

“Crutchie doesn’t have kids, Sarah,” Davey answers, sagging more without his child in his arms than he did with her. “And if you think something’s wrong medically but it isn’t an emergency call Elmer, he’s a nurse.”

“Is that before or after Jack and Medda?” Les asks, taking notes so that Davey calms the ef down. 

“After.” An alarm on Davey’s phone goes off and he jumps. “I have to go. I’ll be back in about five hours, Katherine might be back sooner, I’m not sure. Bye bye, Fey.”

Davey kisses Fey on the cheek and she responds by pressing her hand against her lips and pulling it away like she’s blowing a kiss. 

“Bye, Davey!” Sarah calls after her brother as he frantically scampers out the door. As soon as the door shuts she throws Les an unimpressed look. “I can’t believe he doesn’t trust us!”

“We you _did_ let me touch poison ivy when I was five,” the teen responds with a shrug. 

“That was _twelve_ years ago!” Sarah squawks indignantly. “I was fifteen! What did I know?”

“Apparently not what poison ivy looks like,” Les smirks, darting just out of range of her free hand. 

“You little shit! Wait, fuck, I didn’t say that,” she says seriously to Fey, who just giggles in response. “Davey’s gonna kill me if your first word is a swear.”

“Just blame Smalls,” Les shrugs, wandering into the kitchen to check out Davey’s approved baby food list. 

Sarah sighs and follows after him. _Yeah, we should be last on Davey’s list._

The first two hours of babysitting go well, Fey eats some cut up bananas and throws the silicon coaster around (she also takes care of some business that Les unfortunately ends up having to clean up after), but it’s the third hour where things go wrong. 

Sarah had put on a Richard Scarry cartoon — child appropriate even though neither of them were sure if Fey could really understand it or not — and accidentally dosed off while Les was texting his friends about Georgie’s birthday party the following weekend. When he looked up again — he couldn’t have been looking at his phone for more than a minute — Fey was gone. 

“Shit. Fey! Felicity? Where’d you go?” Les frantically searches the living room and kitchen before coming to the conclusion that he needs help. “Sarah!”

He shakes her awake. 

“Sarah!”

“What? Les, calm down.”

“We lost Fey!” 

“What do you mean we lost Fey?” Sarah bolts upright and looks around the room as if she was expecting Fey to just be sitting on the floor somewhere. “I thought you were watching her!”

“I was! But I got a text and I only looked at it for a minute but then she was gone!”

“Shit!”

It feels like they turn the whole apartment upside down. They search the living room again, then the kitchen, then Fey’s room, then Katherine, Jack, and Davey’s room, but there’s no sign of Fey anywhere. 

Finally, desperate, and on the verge of a panic attack (because if they lost Davey’s kid he’s going to kill them. That is, assuming Jack or Katherine don’t get to them first), Les makes a call. 

He bypasses the steps where he tries Jack and then Medda and goes straight for Crutchie. 

_“Hello?”_ Crutchie’s voice comes over the phone speaker and Les nearly cries. 

“Crutchie! We lost Fey!” Les explains quickly. “Sarah and I were babysitting and I looked at my phone for just a second and then she was gone! We can’t find her anywhere!”

_“Les! Les, calm down. Breathe,”_ Crutchie commands. _“Finch and I will be there in ten minutes. Are you sure she’s in the apartment? None of the doors or windows were open?”_

“Windows!?” Les screeches because he definitely had not thought of that. “What if she went out a window! We killed Davey’s baby!”

_“Wait wait wait! That’s not what I meant!”_ Crutchie rushes to say. _“I'm sure she’s fine, just make sure everything’s closed.”_

“All the windows are closed,” Sarah answers, forcing herself to be the calm one. “And so’s the front door. I can’t be sure what room doors were closed though, we kinda searched every room.”

_“Okay,_ ” Crutchie says, taking exaggerated breathes to try and calm Les down. _“I’m sure she’s okay, we’ll be there in eight minutes. Let’s just think rationally, did you check under furniture? She’s smaller than you think, she can fit under stuff.”_

“The beds!” Sarah exclaims. “We didn’t check under the beds!”

_“Good, start there. And Les, just breathe for a minute. We’ll find Fey, and no one needs to know that she was ever missing.”_

“Davey's gonna kill us,” Les mumbles. 

_“Not if we find Fey first,”_ Crutchie assures him. _“Davey never has to know.”_

“Davey never has to know,” Les repeats before following Sarah into their brother’s bedroom. 

“Les? Sarah?” Crutchie calls as he lets himself and Finch into Jack’s apartment. “Ollie Ollie oxen free?”

“Crutchie!” Les calls from further in the apartment. “We found Fey!”

“Great!” Finch says as he and Crutchie follow the voice. “Problem solved!”

“Not quite,” Sarah says. 

Crutchie and Finch come to a stop in the doorway to the main bedroom, finding Sarah standing over the bed nervously and Les swiping his arm under the bed uselessly. 

“Don’t tell me,” Finch begs, eyeing the bed with mounting horror. 

“She’s under the bed,” Sarah confirms. 

“And the bed is too low for me to get under it,” Les finishes. 

“Uh oh.” Crutchie props his crutch against the bed and carefully lowers himself into his stomach to properly look under the bed and yep, there’s baby Fey, sleeping comfortably under the bed, far enough in that they wouldn’t be able to reach her with any of their arms. 

“Yeah, ‘uh oh’,” Finch agrees, dropping to his stomach next to his soulmate. “Maybe we can push her with your crutch?”

“We’re not ‘pushing her with my crutch’!” Crutchie glares. 

“Why not?” Finch asks indignantly as he sits up. “It’s long enough to reach her.”

“It’s a metal stick!” Crutchie objects. “We’re not hitting a baby with a metal stick!”

“Well what if we-”

“No.”

“Yeah, I’m with Crutchie on this one,” Les agrees. “Hitting babies with sticks is bad.”

Finch glares at him. “I wasn’t suggesting we _hit_ her.”

“Outnumbered,” Sarah declares. “We need _helpful_ suggestions.”

“I was _trying_ to be helpful,” Finch mutters under his breath, but everyone ignores him. 

“What if three of us lift the bed up, and the fourth one grabs Fey?” Les suggests. 

“Is that safe?” Sarah asks. 

“Is leaving Fey under the bed safe?” Les retorts. 

“That’s fair,” Sarah sighs. “Okay, we’ll lift the bed, who’s the weakest?”

They all glance around for a moment before three pairs of eyes land on Sarah. 

“Wow, sexist much?” She asks, glaring at them. 

“Well it’s either you or Les,” Crutchie points out. “I literally use my upper body to get around, and besides that, I wouldn’t be able to grab-and-go very quickly.”

“What about Finch?” Sarah demands. 

“I’m literally a professional dancer,” Finch points out. “I’m actually insulted that you think I’m not strong.”

“I’ll do it,” Les offers, mostly because Sarah almost definitely has more upper body strength than him. “How are we doing this?”

“Okay, Sarah you grab that corner, and Finch you grab that one, I’ll take the middle, and on three we lift, then Les grabs Fey, and we put the bed down when they’re clear,” Crutchie explains. “Got it?”

“Got it!” All three of them confirm. 

“One, two, three, lift!”

When Katherine comes home half an hour later, she finds Fey in the living room, happily smashing the keys on her toy piano, surrounded by Les, Sarah, Crutchie, and Finch. 

“Hi, everyone!” Katherine greets them, tired from work, but incredibly happy to be home. “Thank you so much for watching Fey.”

“It was no problem, Katherine, really,” Sarah assures her. 

“I thought Davey said it was just Sarah and Les, I wasn’t expecting Crutchie and Finch to be here.”

“Oh, well we were in the neighborhood,” Finch explains quickly. 

“And we just wanted to see our oldest niece!” Crutchie finishes. 

All four of them have a nervous energy that immediately puts Katherine on edge, but she pushes the thought from her mind when Fey crawls over to her feet and makes grabby hands at her. 

“Hello, my darling!” Katherine exclaims, sweeping her daughter into her arms and placing an exaggerated kiss on her cheek. “Did you miss me today? I sure missed you!”

“She definitely missed you,” Les assures her. 

“Did you cause any trouble for your auntie and uncles? Hmm?” Katherine asks Fey as the baby giggles happily. 

“Of course not!” Sarah answers, a little too quickly. “She was a perfect angel all day!”

Katherine opens her mouth to question them, but Les cuts her off by quickly jumping to his feet. 

“Well it’s been a long day, and I have to go home! Bye Katherine! Bye Fey!”

“Oh yeah, I should be going, too!” Sarah agrees. “I’ll see you on Saturday, Katherine! Bye bye ‘Licity!”

“Okay?” Katherine says, startled by the Jacobs’ sudden departure. Fey blows kisses at them as they leave. 

“You know, it _is_ getting late,” Finch agrees, helping Crutchie to his feet. “We should get going too.”

“But if you ever want us to babysit this little cinnamon roll,” Crutchie pinches Fey’s cheek as he passes. “Don't hesitate to call us, bye!”

“...bye,” Katherine says to her now empty apartment. “What got into them?” She asks Fey, but the baby just gurgles at her. “You’re right, I’m sure I’ll find out if it’s important. Now, I’ll bet you’re hungry, hmm?”

And if later that night, Jack asks if their bed’s been moved, Katherine will have completely forgotten about her siblings-in-law’s strange behavior, and she’ll assure Jack that he’s just imagining things, after all, why would their bed have been moved?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story: one time when I was twelve I babysat my cousins (7 and 5) while my parents and their parents ran a marathon. Both of them ended up crying by the time their parents came home, the 7-year-old because she has separation anxiety and her parents left early in the morning without saying goodbye, and the 5-year-old because he kept licking my arm and I told him if he licked my arm one more time then he couldn't pick the next course in mario kart... and then he licked my arm again. I don't feel like either of these things were my fault.
> 
> Stay Safe  
> Wear a Mask  
> Don't be Stupid  
> HAPPY NEW YEAR


	7. Spot Watches The Twins at Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon on tumblr asked for one of the boys dropping off the twins with Spot’s while he’s at work, and Spot refusing to admit he has kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn’t post yesterday, but the time I was gonna use to write on Wednesday night was spent watching c-span until almost 1 am PST (and I’m a morning person so that was super late for me)
> 
> I also didn’t edit this cuz opening my laptop sounds like a lot of work
> 
> So my winter break is over, but I’m still gonna try to post every week. I do have an idea of a fic for this AU so I’ll probably stop posting in this as often once I’ve worked out the plot and start writing that

The only warning Spot gets before a couple of six-year-olds barrel into him is a single word. 

“MOMMY!”

Willow launches herself off a tire that was just lying on the ground and into Spot’s chest, followed by Grayson latching onto his legs half a second later. 

“Hi momma!”

“Hey Tiger, hey Princess, where’d you come from?” Spot adjusts Lo on his hip so that can comfortably hold her in one arm while he wraps the other around Gray. 

“Tata brought us!” Lo tells him happily. 

“Did he now? And where is tata?”

“Willow! Grayson! I told you, no running in the garage!”

“Oh there he is.” Lo and Gray at least have the decency to look ashamed as Elmer finally rounds a corner into view, wearing his work scrubs. “Hey, El.”

“Hi.” He gives Spot a quick peck on the lips that makes their kids gag. “Sorry about bringing them here without warning, but Race is running late and I have to get to work.”

“It’s no problem,” Spot replies, waving off Elmer’s apologies. “They can help me fix cars, right guys?”

“YEAH!” Both the twins cheer. 

“I wanna use a blowtorch!” Gray says. 

“And a hammer!” Lo adds, wiggling in excitement. 

Elmer’s eyes widen in concern and he shoots Spot a pleading look. 

“Sorry guys,” Spot says, holding back his laughter. “No blowtorches or hammers needed for this one.”

“Aww,” they both pout. 

“Anyway,” Elmer continues. “Race should be here soon, so you’re not gonna have them all day.”

“It’s okay, El. Really, I don’t mind,” Spot assured him. Sure the garage isn’t the best place for kids to be running around, but he does love spending time with his kids. 

“Right. Okay, bye Gray, bye Lo, be good for mommy, okay?” Elmer says as he kisses the kids on the cheeks. 

“We will!”

“Bye tata!”

Elmer waves one last time before heading out for the hospital, leaving Spot and the kids mostly alone in the garage. 

“Okay,” Spot says as he places Lo back on the ground. “First things first, we need to get you two some coveralls.”

Technically, the garage doesn’t have any coverall that will fit a six-year-old, but Spot has some spare undershirts in his locker that should work in a pinch, it’s not like he’s going to have the twins work on any _real_ car parts. 

His locker is surprisingly empty of spare undershirts — or unsurprisingly when you take into account his three thieving soulmates — but he does manage to find two that are relatively clean and pull them over the kids’ heads. 

“Remember, you can’t take these off while you’re helping me, okay?” The kids both nod and Spot grabs one last thing from his locker: the toy tool set he lets the twins play with when they ‘help’ him at work. 

When they leave the locker room, Spot’s four coworkers who are working today are staring. 

“Spot! Are those your kids?” Graves yells from across the garage having just returned for towing a car. “They’re adorable!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Spot answers, ignoring her and everyone else as he sets the kids up next to the car he’s working on. 

“Spot I was literally at your place three days ago,” Hot Shot objects. “Those are your kids.”

“What kids?” It’s getting hard to keep the smirk off his face, but it’s fun to wind up his friends. 

“Those kids!”

“I don’t see any kids.” Lo and Gray are giggling now, but Spot refuses to break. 

“Oh my god!” Myron yells. He stalks across the garage and kneels in front of where Lo and Gray are very diligently working on their toy carpentry set (it’s not quite what Spot does, but it was the closest toy they could find at Target). “Hey, kids, is that your dad?”

He points Spot and the twins follow his finger. 

“No,” Lo answers simply before turning back to her toy. Gray looks at Myron like he’s gone insane. 

Myron’s face is a mixture of confusion and frustration and Spot has to turn back to the car engine to keep from laughing at him. 

“Where is your dad?” He tries. 

“At work,” Gray answers this time, still staring at Myron. 

“Does he work _here?”_ Graves asks. 

“No,” both twins say at the same time. 

Kenny’s actually laughing, and Hot Shot looks amused and resigned. 

“Well which one is that?” Graves finally asks, clearly having caught on to the fact that Spot isn’t ‘dad’. 

Spot thinks he’s finally been had, but before either of his kids can answer, Race comes waltzing into the garage. 

“I’m here!” He calls, gaining everyone’s attention. 

“PAPA!” Gray yells, dropping his toy tools and running across the garage. Lo stays where she is, determined to finish her task before greeting her papa. 

“No running!” Spot yells after his son. 

“HA!” Myron cries, looking victorious. “They’re your kids!”

“I don’t have kids,” Spot answers, opening smirking now, but that’s ok because Myron looks like he’s about to have an aneurism anyway. 

“Race, are these your kids?” Graves asks, changing tactics. 

“What kids?” Race asks as he scoops Gray into his arms. “I don’t see any kids.”

“You guys are the worst,” Graves mutters before turning back to her own project, thoroughly annoyed with Spot’s entire family. Kenny, Myron, and Hot Shot quickly follow her lead, more or less content with Spot’s continued insistence that he doesn’t have kids. 

Race smirks, shooting Spot a wink before crossing the garage to Lo. “Ready to go, Sweetpea?”

“I’m almost done, papa,” she answers, sticking her tongue out in concentration. 

Gray begins wiggling in Race’s grasp, so he places the boy back on the ground where he starts helping his sister. 

“How long have they been here?” Race asks Spot in a low voice. 

“Only a few minutes, I needed a little break anyway,” Spot answers, placing his tools on the cart so he can give Race his full attention. “I’d kiss you, but the kids weren’t keen on me greeting El like that so maybe some other time.”

“You can make it up to me later,” Race smirks. “You’re picking Albie up after work, right?”

“Yeah, want us to pick up dinner?”

“Nah, I can cook tonight,” Race answers before raising his voice a little. “I’ve got two little helpers to assist me, don’t I?”

“Yes!” Lo cheers. 

“We finished, momma!” Gray yells Spot, pointing at their toy, which now had every plastic nail and screw in place. 

“Thank you for your help.” Spot slips the undershirts back over the kids heads (if he lets those undershirts go home, he’ll never see them again).

“Okay kids, say bye to mommy,” Race tells the twins. “It’s time to go home.”

“Bye mommy!”

“Bye momma!”

Race leads the kids out of the garage, and Spot goes back to work. 

“ADMIT THEY'RE YOUR KIDS!” Graves yells from somewhere in the garage. 

“NO!” Spot yells back. 

Her frustrated scream really makes Spot’s day.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on clothes stealing between the boys:  
> Elmer can take anyone’s clothes and fit into them well enough, Spot’s shorter but broader than him, Race is taller and skinnier, and Albert is just a smidge taller and broader than him  
> Race can take anyone’s shirts, but Spot’s are basically crop tops with loose shoulders (and he’s totally fine with that)  
> Albert can fit into Race’s and Spot’s well enough, but Elmer’s are sometimes a little too tight  
> Spot can take anyone’s shirts because of the way shirt sizing works, but Race’s look more like a dress on him
> 
> Story: one time in middle school my dad let me skip school cuz it was take your child to work day, but instead of taking me to his office (boring) we spend the day at the Museum of Flight (which is related to his job, but it’s not where he works)


	8. Tata Go Ba Bye Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elmer's kids decide they're done with him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter I was gonna post last week isn't done yet, so here's a short little thing to tide you over

“Tata go ba bye now!” Lo declares suddenly. 

Elmer looks up from his game of patty cake with Gray to stare at his daughter quizzically. “I do?”

“Yis,” Lo nods decidedly. 

Elmer’s seriously fighting back a laugh as Gray crawls over to Albert instead and plops down on his lap. 

“Ba bye tata!” He waves at Elmer happily. 

“Where am I going?” Elmer asks Lo as he stands. 

“Hosey!” Lo answers. Albert hides his own grin on Gray’s hair. 

“I’m going to horsey?” Elmer clarifies. Lo nods. 

“How long is tata gonna be gone?” Albert asks once he’s regained enough control to speak without laughing at their daughter’s serious tone. 

“A nuff!” Gray says. 

“A whole month?” Albert asks. 

“I hope I packed enough clothes!” Elmer gasps. 

“Yis. Ba bye tata!” This time Lo actually pushes on his leg so Elmer has no choice but to head towards the door — well, he has a _little_ choice, she’s only three after all, she’s certainly not capable of pushing him over. 

“Okay, bye Lo, bye Gray, bye daddy, I’ll see you in a month!”

Gray waves to him from Albert’s lap with one hand while he sucks on his fingers on the other. Albert waves too, mouthing ‘bring pizza’ from behind the kids’ backs. 

Elmer rolls his eyes and leaves the apartment, wondering how long ‘a month’ is to a three-year-old. 

**Elmer to Parents Squad:**   
_I have just been informed by my children that I’m leaving for a month_

**From Jack:**   
_Fun! Where ya going?_

**From Elmer:**   
_To ‘horsey’ apparently_

**From Race:**   
_We’ll miss ya El_

**From Medda:**   
_Sometimes kids want to leave the nest_   
_Other times they decide the parents are the ones who are leaving_

**From Davey:**   
_You just left them alone?_

**From Elmer:**   
_Of course not_   
_They didn’t kick Albert out_

_Actually Albert told me to get pizza so I guess I’m bribing my kids into letting me come home early_

**From Race:**   
_Gotta teach em extortion early_

Elmer rolls his eyes as he tucks his phone back in his pocket. A month will probably be over by the time he gets the pizzas. 

_I can’t believe I let a couple of toddlers kick me out of my own home!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story: When I was 2 my brother had a stuffed dog and I wanted it. With flawless 2-year-old logic I decided that since I wanted it more, that I could take it. So I did. I went into his room, stole the dog, and hid it in my room for "enough" time. Since I was 2, I have no idea how much time "enough" was, it could have been hours, or days, possibly weeks but that's unlikely. Anyway my brother didn't care cuz it wasn't his favorite or anything. I still have the dog, I taker her with me everwhere, Canada, college, China, Mexico. I once left her in the bed when my family was staying at a hotel in Hawaii (I was about 9) and she got lost in the hotel's laundry, but the staff was really nice and searched the laudry for her. She came back all nice and clean!  
> I told this story to my friend once and she said "i knew you were a clepto!" to which I responded "do you want to see the brick I stole from college?"
> 
> Stay Safe  
> Wear a Mask  
> Don't be Stupid  
> I would highly recommend staying home on Wednesday if you can  
> Love You All!


	9. Mommy's Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Firecracker_Newsie asked for Spot being sick and the kids not letting him get any rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news, my prof hasn't posted this week's lectures, quiz, or discussion, she hasn't sent an email or posted an announcement since last friday, and she hasn't replied to my email  
> I'm starting to get concerned

Spot blames Albert. One hundred percent. 

Albert came home with the flu (it was probably just a cold but that’s not as dramatic sounding) two days ago, and now he’s given it to Spot too. 

At least, Spot assumes that's why he wakes up feeling like shit. Race and Elmer have already left for work (he thinks he might vaguely remember both of them kissing him goodbye), and Spot is supposed to stay home and look after Albert and kids, so being sick is going to have to go on the back burner. 

Spot struggles to his feet only to almost fall back on the bed as a wave of dizziness washes over him. It’s Friday, so the kids don’t have preschool, which means he’s going to have to endure this for a few hours with no breaks until Race and Elmer get home.

First things first: breakfast. Lo and Gray will want waffles, Albert will probably want something easier - eggs, maybe. Yeah, eggs sound good. 

A quick peek into the twins’ room shows that they’re both still asleep, and Spot’s definitely not going to wake them until he has to. 

Making the scrambled eggs uses up almost all the energy Spot has, but he manages. And he manages to deliver the eggs to a half-asleep Albert without him noticing that anything’s wrong (not that that’s hard, sleepy Albert doesn’t notice shit). 

He enjoys his own eggs in the kitchen — because eating in bed with Albert would give him too much time to wake up and notice that somethings off — and has nearly fallen asleep by the time tiny feet pad into the kitchen. 

“Momma?” Spot snaps back up to find his son staring at him curiously. 

“Morning Tiger, are you hungry?” Gray nods wordless and begins climbing into his usual chair. It’s a little too tall for him, but he’s as stubborn as any of his dads and will refuse help if Spot even tries to offer, so Spot focuses on waffles instead. “Is your sister up?”

“Nuh uh,” Gray shakes his head. He’s finally managed to get on the chair and is looking rather pleased with himself. “Were you sleeping, momma?”

“I was just thinking, sweetie,” Spot lies. In actuality, he really just wants to go cuddle with Albert in bed, but if he did that then who would watch the kids?

Lo comes out of the bedroom after Spot’s finished the first waffle. Instead of struggling to get into a chair herself, she just walks up to Spot and holds her hands over her head in the universal toddler symbol for ‘pick me up’. 

“Hey Princess,” Spot smiles as he lifts Lo up and places her on a chair. “Ready for breakfast?”

Lo nods, clearly still half asleep. 

As soon as Lo has a waffle in front of her, Spot sits down again. He wants nothing more than to rest his head on the table, maybe close his eyes for a while. He doesn’t though, if he lets himself rest, even for just a second, he’ll feel worse when he has to get up again. 

“Momma?” Gray asks. “Can we play with dada today?”

He’s looking at Spot with those damn puppy dog eyes that he obviously inherited from Race (and possibly from Elmer, but they’ve never done paternity tests), and it’s so hard to tell him ‘no’, but Albert’s sick, and he needs to rest. 

“Not today, Gray, daddy’s still not feeling well,” he explains, ignoring the guilt that wells up when Gray’s face falls. 

“Can we go to the park today?” Lo asks, causing Gray to instantly light up again. 

Spot wants so badly to say ‘no’. He wishes the kids would just want to stay home and color all day — something that would require very little effort on Spot’s part. 

But he’s already told the kids they can’t play with their dad, the least he can do is take them to the park. 

“Sure,” Spot sighs, wincing when both kids scream with joy — why are kids so loud? Why does he have to get sick _today?_

As Lo and Gray rush back to their room to get dressed for the day, Spot prepares a bag to take to the park. Picnic blanket, sandwiches, goldfish, fruit, lots and lots of liquids, first aid kit, everything an overly prepared mother needs to take his kids to the park. 

“Mommy!” Lo cries happily, zooming out of her room and latching onto Spot’s leg. Gray follows behind her, bouncing excitedly on his toes. “Can we say bye to daddy before we leave?”

“Sure, just don’t jump on him, alright?” Spot agrees easily because the kids haven’t gotten to see Albert too much since he got sick and they’re bound to miss him. 

Gray does a little happy dance and Lo beams up at Spot. 

Spot rolls his eyes as he leads the way to the bedroom. _Damn kids, too cute for their own good._

“Knock knock,” Spot says as he pushes the door to his bedroom open because he’s an old man apparently. 

“Hmm?” Albert groans, his back turned to them on the bed. He rolls over and his face immediately brightens when he sees the kids. “Hey Biscuit, hey dumpling.”

“Hi dada,” Gray greets quietly. “Why’re you still sick?”

“Cuz the germs are being mean to me,” Albert answers. He’s looking better than yesterday at least, his eyes are a little clearer, and his words less slurred. 

“Why?” Lo asks. 

The twins continue to pester Albert with questions about his cold, so Spot takes the opportunity to lean against the door frame and close his eyes. His headache is growing and he definitely isn’t looking forward to going to the park. 

“Mommy?” Lo’s voice snaps him out of his stupor. She and Gray are staring at him expectantly, and Albert’s looking concerned. _Oops, guess I spaced out too long._

“Sorry, I was just thinking.” Spot lobs the ball, but Albert doesn’t swing. 

“Are you okay?” He asks instead, sitting up to look at Spot more critically. 

“Fine,” Spot lies. “C’mon guys, time to go to the park. Daddy needs his rest.”

Spot ushers the excited kids out of the room before Albert can react. He grabs the mommy-bag, gets the kids’ shoes all tied, and they head out for the park. 

Joy. 

Keeping up with the twins in the park by himself when he’s _not_ sick is hard enough, when he _is_ sick, it’s torturous. 

Gray wants momma to push him on the swings, but Lo wants to play hide and seek. Lo wants mommy to watch her do a cartwheel, but Gray wants him to watch how good he is at the monkey bars. Both of them want to play tag, but Spot wants to lie down and never get back up again!

It’s exhausting. 

By the time Spot gets the kids to sit down for the lunch he’d packed his head hurts almost enough to make him cry, and he’s going lightheaded almost every time he moves. 

Fortunately, after lunch the twins are ready for their nap, so it’s time to go home. Unfortunately, the kids are too tired to walk, so Spot has to carry one in each arm. It makes calling the elevator and unlocking his door very difficult. 

Spot settles his twins on their respective beds and removes their shoes. It occurs to him on his way to the living room to finally — _finally_ — lie down that he should probably see if albert wants any lunch. 

_I’ll just close my eyes for a couple seconds,_ Spot thinks as he face-plants onto the couch. _Then I’ll see if Albert needs anything._

He’s awoken to the feeling of something entering his ear. He’s groggy, and feeling way more sick than he had been earlier, so all he can really do is groan and flail his arm out weakly. 

“Stop it,” Elmer scolds from above him, causing Spot to try and pry his eyes open because Elmer wasn’t here a second ago, was he? “I’m just taking your temperature.”

The thermometer beeps, and Spot’s finally able to get his eyes to focus enough to see Elmer hovering over him, still in his nurse’s scrubs. 

Elmer pulls the thermometer away from Spot and frowns at what he sees. 

“You should have told me you were sick,” he scolds gently, laying a damp cloth over Spot’s forehead. It feels nice. 

“Didn’t know ‘til after you left,” Spot slurs, closing his eyes again. 

“You could have called me. Or Race.”

“Didn’t wanna bother you.” _God, holding a conversation is hard, can’t Elmer just go away so I can go back to sleep?_

Elmer makes a _tisk_ sound, but he moves away from the couch. “Don't fall asleep yet, I want you to drink some water.”

Spot groans in response. 

Elmer returns shortly with a glass of water and one of the kids’ crazy straws. Spot’s asleep as soon as the straw is taken away from him. 

The next time he wakes up the cloth is gone and someone’s petting his hair. Spot opens his eyes to find Albert smirking at him. 

“You’re sick,” he teases. 

“Shuddup,” Spot groans, flipping over to go back to sleep. “’S your fault.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story: When I was 10 my family went to the Lucy exhibit at the science museum (the 'missing link' fossils). About ten minutes after getting there, I started complaining about a headache and being tired a lot. My parents ignored me cuz I complain a lot when I don't want to be somewhere (though I've never lied about being sick soooo...). Anyway I had no fun, and when we got home my parents realized that I had a fever, and then they felt bad for ignoring me.
> 
> [my brick](https://lonely-thursday.tumblr.com/post/640871512248811520/heres-the-brick-i-stole-from-my-college-campus) if anyone wants to see it


	10. A Teacher Gets Confused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Willow and Gray's mom is supposed to pick them up from school, too bad no one told the teacher their mom is a man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is officially the first time I've decided what the twins' last name should be

“First day of kindergarten!” Race says brightly, swinging Lo and Gray’s hands slightly as they walk down the hall of the elementary school. “Are you excited?”

“Yes!” Lo cheers, adding a little skip to her step but never letting go of Race’s hand. 

“Papa, will Fey be there?” Gray asks. He’s more nervous, clinging to Race’s hand tightly and trying to hide behind his legs as they walked. 

“Sorry Pumpkin,” Race apologizes. “Fey goes to a different school. In Manhattan, remember? Plus, she was in kindergarten _last_ year, this year she’s in first grade.”

“Why does Fey go to a different school?” Lo asks, losing some of her bounce. 

“Because this school is far away from where Fey, and Uncle Dummy, and Uncle Davey, and Auntie Kath live. Fey goes to a school much closer to them.”

“Oh,” both the twins seem saddened by this revelation. 

“But you’ll see her this weekend!” Race reminds them quickly. His kids being sad is his biggest weakness, closely followed by his soulmates being sad. 

Lo perks up at this and begins skipping again, Gray continues frowning, but there’s nothing Race can really do about that. Jack and company live in Manhattan, whereas Race and his family live in Brooklyn. Their kids go to different schools, that’s just how it works. 

Soon enough, they reach a colorfully decorated door with a large, hand-painted sign reading ‘Miss Heather’s Class’. This is it. 

“Here we go,” Race whispers loud enough for the kids to hear. 

Inside the classroom are about ten children, three adults who are clearly parents, and one adult who’s obviously Miss Heather. 

“Hello there!” Miss Heather greets them as they enter the room. “I’m Miss Heather, and who might you be?”

The last bit is directed towards the twins. Gray hides fully behind Race’s legs, but Lo puffs up bravely. 

“I’m Lo!” She tells Miss Heather. “And this is my brother Gray, and my papa!”

“This is Willow and Grayson Higgins-Kasprzak,” Race clarifies. 

“Of course,” Miss Heather says brightly. “It’s so nice to meet you all! Lo, Gray, there are some cubbies over there that you can put your backpacks and coats in, later we’ll make signs with everyone’s names on them to mark whose cubby is whose, but if you want to pick one out now, feel free to while I talk to your papa for a bit.”

“Okay!” Lo and Gray both scamper off to the cubbies, leaving Race with Miss Heather. 

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Higgins-Kasprzak,” Miss Heather says. Race doesn’t feel the need to correct her on his name. “I hope your kids enjoy kindergarten. I’m certainly excited to have them here.”

“I’m sure Willow will enjoy it just fine,” Race answers. “Grayson may need a bit of time to warm up, but he’ll get there.”

“Good, I’m glad. Now, we do have snack time every day, and sometimes parents will bring in the snacks, do Willow or Grayson have any food allergies I should be watching out for?”

“Willow’s allergic to shellfish, but I doubt you were planning on feeding them shrimp,” Race jokes. 

“No, no shrimp,” Miss Heather laughs politely. “It’s more like goldfish and apple slices.”

“Then they should be fine. Is there anything else? Because I actually have to be leaving soon.”

“No, nothing important. Will I be seeing you at pick-up?”

“No, their mom’s going to pick them up, I have to be at work.”

“That’s quite alright,” Miss Heather says. “Oh, more parents, excuse me.”

Miss Heather leaves to speak with another family that’s just walked in so Race goes to the cubbies to find the twins. 

“Lo, Gray, I have to go to work now, okay? Be good. Mommy will pick you up in a few hours.”

“Okay! Bye papa!” Lo says easily. 

Gray has tears gathering in his eyes, but he just hugs Race fiercely before disengaging and attaching himself to his sister instead. 

“It’s just a few hours, hun,” Race reminds him softly. “It’s just a little bit longer than pre-school, and you loved pre-school, remember? And Miss Heather said you’ll be doing crafts later, and there’ll be snacks. You’re gonna have so much fun, okay? I promise.”

“Okay papa,” Gray agrees quietly. He’s not fully convinced, but Race _really_ has to go if he’s going to catch his bus. 

“Bye guys!”

“Bye papa!” Both kids chorus as Race leaves. 

It’s not until he’s already seated on the bus that it occurs to him. 

**From Race to Albie:**   
_Is it a problem that I told Lo and Gray’s teacher that their mom was picking them up but I didn’t tell her that their mom is a man?_

**From Albie to Race:**   
_Lol_   
_Probably_

~~~

The end of the first day of kindergarten is always hard for Miss Heather (especially since she has forty minutes between when morning kindergarten ends and afternoon kindergarten starts, and in that time she has to talk to parents from both groups _and_ eat lunch), and today is no different. 

Susan from the office staff comes to take all the kids who will be taking the bus home to the gym to get in their bus lines, leaving Miss Heather in her classroom with all the kids whose parents or guardians will be picking them up. 

Parents trickle in a little slower than you’d expect them to. Miss Heather gives a simple greeting to the ones she recognizes from this morning, and tries to have a conversation with every one that she doesn’t recognize (just to make sure every child is picked up by their actual guardian). 

So when a short, buff, unfamiliar man in a tank top comes in, Miss Heather’s senses go on high alert. 

“Hello!” She says politely because even though this man does not look like he belongs in a kindergarten classroom doesn’t mean he isn’t the legitimate legal guardian of one of the five remaining kids. “Can I help you?”

“Oh, yeah,” the man says, and Miss Heather takes a moment to marvel at the fact that she is a good few inches taller than this man. “I’m here to pick up Willow and Grayson.”

Miss Heather frowns. “I’m sorry, but their father told me this morning that their mother would be picking them up.”

“I am-” the man starts, only to get cut off by an excited shriek. 

“MOMMY!” Willow Higgins-Kasprzak yells as she and her brother barrel into the man. Grayson hides behind the man’s legs the same way he had with his father this morning, while Willow lifts her arms, demanding that the man pick her up. An order he obliges easily. 

It’s a strange picture. This short but intimidating looking man being called ‘mommy’ by a five-year-old. In fact, Miss Heather's brain does fully wrap around the situation until she spots an armadillo rolling lazily along the man’s bare forearm — the same armadillo that had been resting on the hand of Willow and Grayson’s father this morning. 

_“You’re_ their mom?” She asks, probably a little rudely, but really, she’d been expecting a woman to pick the twins up, so she thinks demanding a little bit of an explanation is fair. 

“Uh huh!” Willow answers first. 

“Yeah, I know, I’m not the kinda person who's usually the mom,” the man chuckles a little. “They have four dads and their uncle decided it would be funny to get them to call me ‘mom’. It just kinda stuck.”

“Oh...okay.” If the kids had been less comfortable with this man, if they hadn’t called him ‘mommy’ unprompted, if he didn’t have a soul animal on his body matching the kids father from earlier, she might question this more, but this man is clearly the kids’ parent, and she has other parents to talk to and lunch to eat. “Are there any other surprise parents I should know about?”

“We have mommy, and daddy, and papa, and tata!” Willow informs her. 

“We’ll try to keep you up to date on who’s going to pick them up,” the twins’... mom promises. 

“Thank you. Oh! More parents.” 

By the time Emma and her parents have left, the twins and their mom are gone. Miss Heather sighs. Two kids and four parents? The Higgins-Kasprzak family was going to be full of headaches, she could already tell. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The twins' last name is Higgins-Kasprzak, all the boys kept their last names unhyphenated, which Race didn't feel the need to explain to the teacher  
> I have no idea how a teacher would know whether an adult was supposed to be picking up a kid or not, but I think a teacher would probably be really concerned if "mom" was gonna pick up the kids but then a man shows up
> 
> Story: one time my mom came to pick me up from school when I was in first grade I think, but she had dyed her hair, and being a small child, I didn't recognize her until she started talking to me


	11. Tired Dad Cries In Public

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what it says on the tin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stripe-conlon asked for a tired dad crying in public  
> I used your formula allergy example

Babies use up a lot of stuff _really_ quickly, especially when there’s two of them. That’s why Spot is at the store at eleven pm on a Wednesday, because Willow and Grayson are out of diapers, and formula, _and_ wipes, and those things are important. 

Diapers are easy, Elmer gave him a list with three brands on it: the preferred brand, and two acceptable substitutes if the store is out of the preferred brand. Wipes and formula are a little harder because Willow has food allergies, and Grayson has sensitive skin, so he was given one brand for each, underlined several times as if Spot is going to forget the Great Hives Debacle of last month. 

They have the preferred diaper brand so Spot loads his cart with a reasonable amount, and then adds three more packs. 

He finds Grayson’s wipes easily enough, though he does end up grabbing the last pack. They’ll need to buy more again in a few days, but this will hopefully last to the weekend. 

The formula is a problem. Spot checks the whole aisle. Then the adjacent aisles. Then every aisle in the store before returning to the baby aisle. 

They’re out. 

There’s a space where the formula should be, but no formula. 

There are other brands. Brands that give Willow hives. Brands that he would only buy if they only needed formula for Grayson. 

They’re out of formula. 

It’s probably less about the formula and more about having two two-month-olds at home and running on severe sleep deprivation, but Spot breaks down in the middle of the baby aisle. 

He sits there, in the middle of the aisle, with a shopping cart full of diapers next to him, for a few minutes just letting the weight of life crush him, before a concerned employee tentatively makes her way over to him. 

“Excuse me, uh, sir? Do you need help?”

He’s probably scaring her, a grown man, crying in the baby aisle in the middle of the night. 

“There’s no formula,” he manages to say in a shaky voice. 

“There’s plenty of formula, sir,” she answers in what is probably her best customer service voice. “We’ve got MotherEarth, and Vitabay, and-”

“I need Emerson’s,” Spot cuts her off. “My daughter’s allergic to everything _but_ Emerson’s.”

“Oh. I can go look in the back, if you’d like,” she offers, probably relieved to get away from the crying man. 

“Thank you.”

The employee scurries out of the aisle as quickly as she can while trying to not seem like she’s running away from him. 

_Pull yourself together, Conlon,_ Spot mentally berates himself. He takes a few deep breaths, following Albert’s breathing technique. He really needs sleep, but first he needs diapers, wipes, and formula. 

He’s finally managed to pull himself upright when a different employee enters the aisle, carrying a case of the desired baby formula. This employee is older and gives off a soothing maternal energy that reminds Spot of Medda, it helps him relax the rest of the way. 

“Good evening, sir,” the new lady says, offering the case. “I hear that you’re in desperate need of this.”

“Thank you. Really, thank you so much.” Spot would fall to his knees and worship this woman if he didn’t have to get back home with the supplies ASAP. 

“It’s no problem,” the employee assures him. “If you’re done shopping I can ring you up up front.”

“Yeah, I’m done. Thank you.” The woman smiles in response and leads Spot to the register. 

“So, how old is your kid?” She asks conversationally as she gets him checked out. 

“Nine weeks,” Spot answers. “Twins.”

“Oh,” the woman replies sympathetically. “Are these your first kids?”

“Yeah,” Spot sighs, letting all his exhaustion leak into his voice. 

“I’m sure you’re doing wonderfully,” she laughs. “There you go, you’re all set to get back to your family.”

“Thank you again,” Spot says as he pushes the cart towards the exit. It’s a lot of stuff, but luckily Brooklyn has plenty of space when he’s the only one in her. 

“Get some sleep!” The woman calls after him. 

_Yeah, like_ that’s _gonna happen._

~~~

Going to the park with small children is hard. You need your stroller, diaper bag, portable changing table in case the men’s bathroom doesn’t have one, and of course the kids, but equally important to all of that is the baby’s favorite binky. 

Unfortunately, today Elmer and Race remembered everything but Willow’s binky. 

Elmer ran back to their apartment to get said binky while Race stayed in the park with all their stuff, one screaming child, and one child happily sucking on his own binky, perfectly content with watching his papa and sister freak out. 

“Please Willow,” Race begs as his daughter continues to scream in his arms. “Willy. Lolo. Please stop crying, tata will be back soon.”

His words fall on deaf ears, but Grayson does make grabby hands at him. 

Race offers Grayson one hand while continuing to cuddle Willow in the other. Grayson latches onto one of his fingers. 

So Race just sits on the ground in the park crying while his son holds onto one of his fingers and his daughter screams until Elmer finally, _finally_ returns with Willow’s binky. 

“Okay I’m back!” Elmer pops the binky in Willow’s mouth and it’s like he hit a switch, Willow immediately stops crying and settles down. 

Elmer takes Willow from Race and Race lies back on the ground, finger still in Grayson’s grip. 

“Do you need a binky?” Elmer teases. 

“No,” Race mutters petulantly, making no move to wipe the tears off his face. 

Elmer spends the rest of the day laughing at him. 

~~~

Albert turns his head as a baby starts crying a few feet away. 

“It’s not yours,” Finch reminds him. 

“Right, right,” Albert mutters trying to tune the child out. 

A kid screams in the other direction. 

“Still not yours,” Jojo says before Albert can even turn his head. 

“I know,” Albert says, but he still turns his head just to make sure. 

“Al, your kids are at home with your boys. Today is supposed to be a break for you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just so tired,” Albert replies, tearing up a little. “I haven’t slept in three months.”

“Do you want to skip the movie?” Jojo asks. “We could go back to my place and you can nap on the couch.”

“Yes please,” Albert whispers. A nap sounds really good. 

“If we’re skipping the movie then we at _least_ need ice cream.”

“From big gay.”

“Obviously.”

“Gay ice cream and a nap,” Albert agrees. “I think I’m old now.”

“Absolutely elderly,” Finch nods. 

“We’ll get you a Life Alert for your next birthday,” Jojo agrees.

~~~

_“New York Cab Company, how can I help you?”_

“Hi,” Elmer says, his voice shaking. “My partner was in a cab earlier with our kids and he accidentally left my son’s elephant in the cab when they got out. Have any of your drivers reported a found elephant?”

Gray’s been having a fit ever since he’d realized Mr. Peanuts was missing, and this is the fifth company Elmer’s called. 

_“Green?”_ The cab employee asks. 

“Yes!” Elmer sobs. “That’s it!”

_“Well we have it here at the depot if you want to come pick it up.”_

“Yes, thank you, I’ll be there soon!” Elmer hangs up the phone as a fresh round of tears starts up, these ones, tears of relief. 

In the living room, Gray is seated on Albert’s lap crying as Lo runs back and forth between her brother and their room, being a new toy with her every time in the hopes that it will make Gray stop crying. None of them do, but it’s almost funny to see Albert and Gray on the couch surrounded by every toy Lo can find (it would be actually funny if Gray wasn’t crying). 

“Mr. Peanuts has been located!” Elmer announces to the room. Gray look up at him with big, hopeful eyes, as Albert breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m gonna go get him, I’ll be right back.”

“Can I come?” Gray asks hopefully. Elmer shoots Albert a questioning look, but Albert just shrugs in response. 

“Sure, leapfrog,” Elmer decides. “Get your shoes on quick so we can go rescue Mr. Peanuts.”

“Okay!” Gray immediately perks up, leaping from Albert lap to go find his shoes.

“Can I come?” Lo asks. 

“Why don’t you and I stay here and put all your toys back in your room?” Albert offers instead. 

“A dragon stole all the toys daddy!” Lo objects as if he hadn’t watched her bring every single toy into the room. 

“Then we’ll have to burgle the toys back, won’t we biscuit?”

Elmer rolls his eyes. _Someone’s been reading the Hobbit._

“I got my shoes!” Gray runs back into the room. “Let’s _go,_ tata!”

“Okay, okay I’m coming!”

_Off to rescue Mr. Peanuts!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact that turns into a story: I made up all the brands/companies (so if they're real that's just a coincidence) except Big Gay Ice Cream, which is an actual small ice cream chain in NYC that my cousin insisted that we had to go to when I went to visit her and my aunt when I was 17. The trip was also so my aunt could take me to tour colleges on the east coast (not that I was ever actually going to go to any of them). I have absolutely no memory of their ice cream, but I do remember that the small shop was packed and people were lined up in the street to get this ice cream, so it was probably good. Also the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage when I was on this trip, so that was exciting

**Author's Note:**

> Suggestions for more chapters always welcome


End file.
